Buncha White Boston Pols Arrested for Doin' Stuff
APRIL FOOLS! ... BOSTON/South Boston - According to some guy on the street, a bunch of white local and state politicians were arrested in a lightning dawn raid near the corner of L St. and E. Broadway by elements of the Federal Secret Interrogation while on their way home from an all-night bender at the taxpayers' expense.
"They was just walkin' down the street from McBozo's Pub in Southie like wicked trashed and then all these big ladies with FSI on their jackets and mirror shades like totally beat 'em down, yellin' at 'em about how they was under arrest for takin' bribes from corporations and givin' civil service jobs to all their dipstick cousins," the guy told Open Media Boston.
"But at least they didn't bust the hookahs," the guy concluded after insisting that reporters write that last word in a Boston accent.
Unconfirmed reports say the politicians were Irish or Italian or some unholy combination of Irish and Italian like Itirish or Iralian.
Gov. Deval Patrick (D) addressed the matter in a morning press conference, giggling manically all the while, "Like wow, what can I say. I mean … wow. This is so awesome. I mean I couldn't even leave my office, you know? There were always these helicopters and vans outside. And I thought maybe if I went to Israel for a while things would blow over. But they wouldn't let me stay over there. Sent me home with this fake trade deal. And I was freaked. Was thinking about moving to Canada or France or something. But now, like . . . wow!"
Extremely noisy jubilation prevailed in Roxbury, Mattapan, Dorchester, East Boston and pretty much everywhere in the Hub - while the mood in ever-shrinking parts of the North End, South Boston, Charlestown, Hyde Park and Roslindale was subdued.
Calls to FSI headquarters resulted in an Open Media Boston intern receiving unexplained electric shocks from his cell phone. The intern is now recovering quietly in the leafy confines of a private sanitarium.
And Sen. Scott Brown (R-Mass.) - as ever - could not be reached for comment. You know, cuz his people won't talk to anyone to the left of Attila the Hun. Whatever.
